Long Evening, But Good


Just got the kids to bed about ten minutes ago [11pm]. My oldest had quizzing and since I’m on the children’s council at my church, I stayed and helped. Things went so much better than Wednesday night.

The kids are a handful, but I love ’em anyway. Most of them don’t have much stability at home, and go to the “title 1 school” [Title one is government money that is given to schools. “It is intended to help ensure that all children have the opportunity to obtain a high quality education and reach grade-level proficiency. Title I funds help students who are behind academically or at risk of falling behind.”(quote taken from here) ]

What kills me about these kids is that they may be behind academically, but they’re smart. There is so much potential in them, but they could fall through the cracks, in fact, may have already fallen through them.

These kids have parents who, for whatever reason, are unable to give them the care that they need. They all desperately need love and attention and guidance. The parents probably love the kids the best they can, but what if their best isn’t enough?

I know that my parents loved me. They did a really good job raising me, too, but there are still things that happened that scarred me. Now, granted, I was an overly sensitive kid who took everything personally, so when Mom went to work to help support us, all I saw was that Mom didn’t want to be at home with me anymore… my perception was all screwed up. But the scars that kind of stuff left were just as real as any other emotional scar, and I had to work through them.

Some kids come out of unspeakable home lives and do okay in life. Others perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Still others don’t survive at all, either because they die in the situation or they self-destruct.

My brain is a big muddle tonight. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think of those kids who I helped teach about Jesus tonight, and I know that the odds say that they don’t have much chance of making it. Some might think of them as throwaway kids.

But I think about them and my heart screams NO dammit! I want those babies to grow up and live! Good, successful lives. I want them to be happy. I don’t want to lose even one of them. I want them to beat the odds.

And I wish I could do more to help them. I wish I could send them to college if they want to go. I wish I could protect them from the things they live with that no child should have to deal with. I wish I could help their parents learn to be better parents.

Those are just a few of the things I’d like to do, but can’t. I feel helpless and frustrated about it, too.

What I can do, is pray for them. God can do all things, and He doesn’t do odds. I can pray, and will [and have been] and maybe as I pray, God will show me some other things I can do as well.

Maybe He’ll give me lots of money and I will be able to send them to college!! [I’d like to send myself to college, too!]

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that my hubby got me Starburst today! Yay! No words on my novel, though. Some days are just too crazy to fit it all in.

Okay, I’m tired now, G’Night


About Shelbi

Work-at-home wife, mom of three kids, and caregiver for my brother, who has Cerebral Palsy. Never a dull moment, in other words. No idea how much I'll post, since I'm super busy these days, but maybe I'll get over here once in a while.

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