No, really, I am [I mean more than usual, and not my own]. I had an interesting conversation with Miss Dorothea Watson today. It went something like this.
THEA: Hey you! Writer lady!
SHELBI: [looks around for the voice] Is someone there?
THEA: Don’t you know who this is? [taps foot impatiently, click, click, click…]No, I’m not in the room, I’m in your head [mumbles something that sounds like “Jeez, freakin’ scary writer! Why couldn’t I end up in Paperback Writer’s Brain?”]
SHELBI: Excuse me, miss smartie pants, she only writes adult fiction, and you sound like a teenager, which makes you too young. Who the hell are you, anyway? I thought I locked up Tyra the Psycho Ex-Wrestler Russian Internal Editor weeks ago [mumbles something that sounds like “And I don’t think she’s a teenager”].
THEA: Well, if you’d give me a VOICE, you might be able to figure it out!
SHELBI: Cut me some slack! [giggles and snorts as she remembers ROFs comment from earlier] I haven’t gotten that far in Holly’s Create A Character Clinic yet. I’m starting on the ‘voice’ section tomorrow, honest! Hey, you’re Thea. Jeez, I knew it was a mistake writing about thirteen year old girls. You people are crazy.
THEA: [rolls eyes] What ever. I want you to look at something here [turns sideways and disappears…] You see how flat I am? This is pitiful. How am I supposed to jump off the page if I’m, well…do you see this?!?
SHELBI: Yes, I see it. But here’s the deal. I’ve only got four scenes done, and it’s just a rough draft. No one important can see it [crosses fingers] until much later in the process. Like after six edits and rewrites. We have plenty of time to get you fleshed out, I promise.
THEA: You won’t send me out looking like this?
SHELBI: Nope, I like you too much for that, kid. Hey, I got 924 words in an hour today, which isn’t record breaking, but it’s good for me. And I learned boatloads about your history, and your parents’ history, and all kinds of cool stuff. Plus, I wrote the ‘Final Scene*,’ just so I’d have a clear idea of where this thing is gonna end up, and I’m tellin’ ya kid. You rock! [mumbles something that sounds like, “Now if I can just get the damn thing to sound that cool on paper.”]
THEA: Yeah, no kidding. I know I’m cool, and you know I’m cool, but will they know I’m cool? Are you sure you know what you’re doing?
SHELBI: Haven’t got a clue. [shrugs shoulders, then laughs… Fade to black]
Egads [you ever wonder why some words read better than they sound? I don’t remember where I first heard ‘egads.’ I imagine I’m misspelling some Great Egadian Tradition, but I like the way it looks if not the way it sounds.] It’s late and I’m loopy, but I had so much fun today with Thea. We’re working up to some fun stuff, so I can’t wait.
*I didn’t post it, just wrote a brief sketch of it in a notebook. Come on, where’s the fun in giving you the last page before I get to the tenth?