Prednisone, Day Two

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Just so you know, I edited the time stamp on this one so that the other two posts today would come after this. I guess it’s so you can understand the context of the other two entries. I’m not sure if I’m as crazy as I feel right now, but be warned, these entries may not make much sense.

Then again, they may be the most wise, profound words ever written. You just never can tell about those things, eh?

Oy. I was jittery earlier, and in a really bad mood. Now I’m so tired I can’t see straight. The swelling and pain in my joints has gotten better, but I still feel like shit, eh?

Michaela went to bed a couple of hours ago, and is waking up periodically to cry. She was whiny today and just about drove me nuts [my bad mood didn’t help any]. I need to read the chapter in Sunday School, but I don’t really want to do anything.

Last night instead of sleeping, I had about a million thoughts running through my head at top speed. It was hard to make sense of it all. I’m still having that problem. Look at me! Incoherent Pete here. Read at your own risk, eh?


Steve’s working nights, which is a quick way for me to lose my mind. Thank God it only lasts two weeks before he goes back to days. Right now, I’m in a bad place mentally. I’m angry for no reason, I really don’t want to go to church tomorrow and teach Sunday School. I want to drop out of church altogether, and just because I want to drop out of life right now, not because of anything that happened.

Although there is some kind of weird mojo going on there. I don’t know if things are really happening the way people are perceiving them and passing them along, or if there is some kind of misunderstanding that’s getting out of hand.

I hate the way people just refuse to deal with shit and talk to each other about it, don’t you? In an ideal world, people would just be honest [yet tactful] and say, “Hey, this is what I’m hearing from you. This is the vibe I’m getting, and maybe I’m misinterpreting it, but it’s really bothering me and I need for us to clear it up.”
I rather suspect such an attitude could end wars, you know? Did you know that homeland security called a 13 or 14 year old girl out of her class the other day to lecture her for putting a picture up of our pres. with some graphic language about ending his life and some blood drawn in for good measure?

She took the page down last year, after finding out that stuff like that is a federal offense, but they questioned her anyway. I dunno. I get the whole idea that you really shouldn’t wish anyone dead [at least not publicly] but I feel a little violated by the whole thing [even thought it didn’t happen to me or anyone I know].

I feel like we’ve gone too far in some areas of homeland defense, you know? It creeps me out that a 14 year old hit the radar of the freaking government and they came to yell at her about it. Steve said they couldn’t really let it go, and maybe that’s true, but it still makes me exceedingly uncomfortable.

I’m saddened and frightened by our government these days. It’s scary to me when I think about how easy it is for the powers that be to change the way things are [and for the worse, because honestly, when have they made things better?]. I hate that we’re at war with half the world, and despised by almost every other country on the planet.

There are people in the world who would kill me and my family for no other reason than that we are American. How did things get this bad? Why do we have to be cowboys? Why can’t we work with other countries to reach an understanding and allow everyone their freedom to believe whatever the hell they want? [except the part where we think it’s okay to kill each other]

I dunno. I’m aware I’m not making any sense here, and I apologize. I’m just confused and for this one time, I’m admitting that I’m scared of the path we’re on. I think it’s just a matter of time before we destroy each other and in the process, make the world unlivable. I’m terrified to think that my kids may not live to become adults because some psychopath decides he or she needs to nuke the middle of the US.

How is it that we haven’t evolved past all this petty bullshit? Why does history keep repeating itself? Why can’t we as the human race learn from our mistakes and do better than our grandfathers did?

I don’t want the end of the world to come, okay? I’m a Christian, but I’m not looking forward to the freaking tribulation, or 666 or whatever the fuck the freaking wingnuts believe is coming.

I think the rapture is bullshit invented by some fucking psycho who wanted to start a freaking end-times cult so he could sit on a freaking mountain top and contemplate his navel, or get laid [more likely]. It’s not gonna happen that way. The fucking rapture freaks are trying to bring on Armageddon so they can ‘go home’ but all they’re gonna accomplish is making the world an uglier place than it is already.

Newsflash, people. Jesus isn’t coming back for you [at least not the way Jenkins and LaHaye said he is]! He’s not coming on a cloud to rescue you just when the shit hits the fan. If you cause a great world war and burn the fucking planet up, guess what? You’re gonna burn with the rest of us and you’re gonna have to answer the question from God, “What the FUCK did you do to my planet?!?!” Then you might just burn for a while longer.

Yeah, I told you I was pissed off.

Ain’t steroids great? What’s funny is, I’m gonna leave this here, knowing that no one will understand, and if anyone reads it, they might be offended [I might be later on, because honestly, I have no idea what I’ve just written].

I think my point in all the bitching was, let’s not blow up the world, okay? Let’s try for peace on earth and utopia and all that other impossible stuff because it’s better to hope for good than to bring about evil.

Only 19 days of Prednisone left. I wonder what tomorrow will bring…

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