Monday Morning Coming Down


Today was my third day on 30mgs of Prednisone, and I’m beginning to feel like my old self again.  I’m feeling more calm, which is such a welcome thing I can’t even express it in words.  I thought I was a bit of a spaz before, but compared to Steroid Shelbi, I’m a walking peace zone.

I guess the best thing about this whole thing is I’ve realized just how good I have it.  I’m not as odd or as crazy as I thought [at least when I’m not on steroids] and I think I have a clearer picture of who I really am.

I live in my head too much, and forget sometimes what’s most important, but who doesn’t, right?

Steve and I had an interesting time today.  We actually talked about our parenting/teaching strategy with the kids on an issue and have a game plan of how to deal with it.  Steve and Matthew changed the oil in the van, and then Steve, Shaya and Matthew changed the spark plugs on the motorcycle and Matthew was beside himself with happiness.

We know that we need to focus on spending more time with the kids [especially Steve in being the ‘dad.’]  I was so glad that he took time with Matt and taught him how to change the oil.  Matthew is almost six and his ‘favorite’ parent has always been me because I’m the one he spends the most time with.

The thing is, I’m not a guy, so even though I love my son dearly, I’m not into ‘guy things’ like cars and hunting and sports and such, and while I bond with him, it’s as a mom to her son, obviously, and Matt needs to bond with his daddy, too.

Steve is an excellent example of what a good man looks like [he’s one of the best on the planet, and I’m not just saying that ’cause he’s my husband] but if Steve’s not around for Matt to watch and imitate, how will he ever learn to be like his dad?

Matthew has a tendency toward ‘just getting by’ and unfortunately, that’s the way I’ve been my whole life.  I’ve only decided as an adult that it’s important to have a good work ethic, to do the right thing whether anybody’s watching or not, and to treat all of creation with respect and love.

I wish that my parents could have helped more to instill those qualities in me at an earlier age, simply because there was a lot of bad that could have been avoided, and a lot of good that was missed.  I see now the benefit of doing your very best because it’s the right thing to do, but only after skating through life doing everything half-assed for a long time.

And anyone who’s ever tried to break a bad habit knows how hard it is to change, so now I have 30+ years of ‘ruts’ to break out of and it’s a bitch, lemme tell ya.  I can’t do it overnight, and I’m able to accept that now and keep working anyway, but if there’s a way I can prevent my kids from having to go through the crap I’ve been through, well, isn’t that a good thing?

So anyway, I’m doing my best, but little boys and their mothers [or at least this set] don’t speak the same language, so I need Steve around to translate, eh?  And we need to have a united front on how we want to teach them to deal with certain things.

Well, I think I’m done now.  I go down to 20mgs on Wednesday, and I’m looking forward to having the Prednisone completely out of my system in a few weeks [I’ve heard it takes a while].  I’ve gained five pounds in two weeks, which pisses me off in a bad way.  Steve and I are gonna try to go join the YMCA tomorrow and get started on a fitness program [they charge you according to your income, so we should be able to afford it, YAY!].

I’ve needed to for years, butI think I’m finally ready to take the plunge and actually work on my fitness level.

It was a good day, the first in almost three weeks [counting whatever illness I had that started the whole God-awful joint and muscle pain that necessitated the damn steroids].  I’m glad to be better, and extremely thankful that my blood tests came back normal [have I mentioned that here yet?]  It’s hard to feel like shit and not know why, but I’m reasonable enough now to realize that being diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening illness is not exactly a good thing, either.

It’s nice to be [mostly] rational again.


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