How sometimes even your best intentions go awry?
There’s an old saying, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I don’t believe in a literal hell where the ‘bad people’ go, but I do believe that we make our own hells here on Earth.
There are days when I throw my hands up in frustration. I’m not quite there yet, but could be soon.
I think there was a misunderstanding with one of my friends about an e-mail I sent. He thought I sent it to a group of people when I only sent it to him. As I’m sitting here, I’m waiting for him to understand what happened [unless I’m wrong and a different e-mail pissed him off] and write me back.
These sorts of dramas are very Jr. High, and I realize that I should not be involved in this sort of thing, and yet, here I am.
Do you ever notice how Jr. High is rampant in our world, though? Do you think it’s because there was some sort of lesson we were supposed to get at that time, and if we miss it, we stay in that mental place until we learn it?
I always try to do my very best to be extra gentle and apologize even if I’ve been the one who got yelled at. I’ve done that in this situation. I don’t want to be in a fight with anyone [well, sometimes I want to fight with Steve, but that’s different 😉 ]. I don’t enjoy confrontations that happen in anger.
I want to be able to communicate in love, and sometimes, despite my best efforts [probably more often than not] I fail miserably.
In other news:
My hypergraphia seems to have returned. I think I needed a break from writing. I’ve also managed to get about four blogs, one on Yahoo, one on MySpace, and another, pseudonymous one on Blogger about my spiritual walk.
How demented is it that I think I need an anonymous [more than this one] blog completely devoted to spirituality?
I think eventually, I’ll ‘come out’ and put all of it here, but for right now, I’m still not sure where I’m going in this search for wisdom. I think I need to write at a place where anyone who reads it and disagrees won’t be judging me, personally. It’s stupid to take things personally [and I’m working on it, really I am] but I do, even in cyberspace.
I think that’s why I can’t understand how people online will say such cruel and inhuman things to each other. I can’t help but think about the fact that whatever the words on the screen say, the person writing it is still a human being, and as such, is my sister or brother, and in truth, myself. [or should that be ‘me’? English sucks, you know it?]
I’ve struggled my whole life with low self-esteem and hating myself, and as I get older and search deeper for the truth about who we are as humans and why we’re here, I’m realizing that I am beautiful, and that I even deserve to be loved [and in fact, am loved beyond my wildest dreams].
If my kids are beautiful [and they are!] then so am I because they’re part of me. If nature is beautiful, then so am I because I’m part of it. Even from the ugliness, there can be beauty.
I asked God a long time ago to help me see people the way Jesus does, and I believe he did. Mostly because it’s not what I expected. I found that in each one of us resides a piece of the Divine essence that I call ‘God,’ others call ‘Goddess,’ and a thousand other names.
There is something about seeing that in others that makes me love them because I know that they are part of the Eternal, they are part of me, and we are all part of the Eternal, and because of that we are all beautiful, and eventually, hopefully, with some work, we’ll all learn to see each other that way and we will stop damaging each other.
Sounds a bit like I’m on drugs, don’t it? But I think if you see my words with your heart and not the mind that clouds our vision, you all know it’s true, eh?
My encouragement to everyone would be for you to ask that Eternal Essence [by whatever name you call it, and even if you don’t believe there is one] with a sincere heart that he/she/it help you see through the eyes of love.
It will change the world.