Revise, Edit, Rinse, Repeat

Standard

So like I said, the story I wrote the other day is like nothing I’ve ever written before.  But I’m revising it anyway.  This is kind of like my ‘test’ I guess.  I know I can blog like a fiend, but in all honesty, I’ve never written anything that’s publishable, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m one of those people who wants to write, but will never be able to actually do it.

This is a test.  I don’t like the story because it’s depressing, but I like the story in the sense that if it were well written, it would be completely awesome.  I know it’s not well written right now.  It’s more of a synopsis or outline than an actual story, and I’m okay with that. For now.

The trick is to see if I have what it takes to make it as good as I see it in my head, because in my head, it’s a story that is beautiful and haunting, even if it is morbid and depressing as hell.  It has that much potential, I just don’t know if I have that much talent.

In a way, I’m excited to be revising it and trying to make it live up to my vision.  I’m tired of being a dreamer.  I think it’s time to put all I have into this and see if there’s any real talent in here.  If there is, great.  I’ll continue to hone my craft.  If it turns out that I just don’t have what it takes, then I’ll continue to write as a hobby [or when I get depressed] and I’ll continue to blog, but I won’t have this invisible pressure on me to become published.

Can I really figure this out with just one story?  I dunno.  I guess I’ll have to send the thing off to whatever short story markets there are out there and see what other people think.  I’m not giving up if it doesn’t get published, but what I want to know from this is, do I have any freaking potential?  Is there any talent for words that can really be developed, or am I like the piano teacher in Amadeus, who dreams of being a master, but will never have what it takes to achieve that goal?

My kids want candy.  So I have to go.

Advertisements

About Shelbi

Work-at-home wife, mom of three kids, and caregiver for my brother, who has Cerebral Palsy. Never a dull moment, in other words. No idea how much I'll post, since I'm super busy these days, but maybe I'll get over here once in a while.

2 responses »

  1. Short story markets are incredibly hard to break into, but I keep trying. 🙂 What I had to do to stay sane was separate my desire to write as well as I could, growing all the time—-from getting published. I could not write to be published. I had to write for myself, drive myself, push through whatever fears and darkness I had inside me. Because that’s where you’ll find the real stories, like the one you posted below.

  2. Hi, Joely,

    I’m working on separating my desire to write from my desire to be published, and I know in my head that it’s dumb to have both things all wadded up together, but the line is blurred part of the time.

    I think this thing, though, is less about getting published than it is about figuring out if I actually have any talent at writing fiction.

    I know it’s possible to improve, and I intend to do that, but I want to know if there’s any chance I’ll ever be able to be ‘more’ than proficient at grammar and style.

    I dunno. Maybe the story below is the good part, and the style and grammar to tell the story is what I can develop?

    But at least part of it is finding a good turn of phrase, a way to evoke emotion through your words, and I guess I just don’t feel adequate.

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that probably never goes away, right?

    Bah, the hubs is frustrated because I’m supposed to be getting ready to go instead of writing. Grr.

    I’ll be back later.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s