So like I said, the story I wrote the other day is like nothing I’ve ever written before. But I’m revising it anyway. This is kind of like my ‘test’ I guess. I know I can blog like a fiend, but in all honesty, I’ve never written anything that’s publishable, and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m one of those people who wants to write, but will never be able to actually do it.
This is a test. I don’t like the story because it’s depressing, but I like the story in the sense that if it were well written, it would be completely awesome. I know it’s not well written right now. It’s more of a synopsis or outline than an actual story, and I’m okay with that. For now.
The trick is to see if I have what it takes to make it as good as I see it in my head, because in my head, it’s a story that is beautiful and haunting, even if it is morbid and depressing as hell. It has that much potential, I just don’t know if I have that much talent.
In a way, I’m excited to be revising it and trying to make it live up to my vision. I’m tired of being a dreamer. I think it’s time to put all I have into this and see if there’s any real talent in here. If there is, great. I’ll continue to hone my craft. If it turns out that I just don’t have what it takes, then I’ll continue to write as a hobby [or when I get depressed] and I’ll continue to blog, but I won’t have this invisible pressure on me to become published.
Can I really figure this out with just one story? I dunno. I guess I’ll have to send the thing off to whatever short story markets there are out there and see what other people think. I’m not giving up if it doesn’t get published, but what I want to know from this is, do I have any freaking potential? Is there any talent for words that can really be developed, or am I like the piano teacher in Amadeus, who dreams of being a master, but will never have what it takes to achieve that goal?
My kids want candy. So I have to go.