Category Archives: Miscellany

This Theme Made Me Happy!

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Sorry.  I know it’s pathetic, but that’s all I got.

I keep thinking I’m going to start posting again, and then I don’t.

I dunno.  Maybe I’m over the blogging thing.  Or maybe I’m busy [well, that’s not a maybe…YOU try taking care of your quadriplegic brother full-time and homeschooling your three kids, and cooking and cleaning and all that crap, and see how much time you have left over for a stint of mostly narcissistic writing].  Yeah.  Well, anyway.

I gotta say, I’m tired of stupid people.  There’s this one person who rants and raves about starting a revolution…but I’m not sure he really knows what he means by that statement.  I suspect mental illness. 

Anyway, it’s too damn late at night [or early in the morning, depending on your point of view] to be coherent.  There’s supposed to be a blizzard coming.  I’m hoping it misses us.  Not holding my breath, though.

Okay.  That’s enough for tonight.  Time to turn off the computer, and my brain, and get some sleep.  G’night.

Woo hoo!

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So, Mom is doing much better.  She went home today, and I think she’ll make it.  It was a very difficult, sometimes scary, three weeks [and almost six weeks for mom] but she’s doing so much better.  My dad is going to have to learn how to change her dressings [wounds still draining… yuck!] But I know he can handle it.

As for me, I’m sitting here at my new computer, jamming out to Metallica [black album… which is the only one I like, but damn, it’s awesome!]  Unforgiven is playing right now.  I can’t help but headbang to it.  Strange phenomenon, but there you go.

I just did a Netflix instant view [of Heroes, season 2, episode 1, which I’ve had to miss because Dish Network sucks and can’t get locals for me…. bastards].

Holy Crapoli!  This monitor is HD, and it’s amazing the stuff you can see!  I could see the pores on the actors’ faces, the texture of Claire’s hair.  Damn.

The most amazing thing, though is that it streams in with no jumps or misses, and I can actually see the freaking picture… no more black!

Yeah, so you didn’t come here to hear that, did you?  Well, I didn’t come here to tell you that, either.  Actually, I have no idea what I came here to say, only that I had the urge.

I got drunk Friday night.  Ugh.  I’m too old for that shit.  I only blew a .031 [.08 is too drunk to drive.  I think I would die of alcohol poisoning at .08] but I was massively impaired.  Steve has the coolest party favor ever, a PBT which checks your breath for alcohol [which is what I was talking about when I said “Blew”  jeez, get yer mind out of the gutter!]

He also did the horizontal gaze nystagmus test, which I failed miserably. 

Then I puked in the toilet at a stranger’s house.  I missed, and sat in it, so my jeans had pink Spoli puke on the leg, but I didn’t care.  Steve held my hair, ’cause that’s the sweet kind of man that he is.  Then he helped me home, helped me get my shoes off.  I don’t remember if I changed into sweats or not, but I think I slept in all my clothes.

I dunno.  Maybe I slept all night in pukey jeans?  Hang on, lemme ask Steve.

Nope, he helped me put some sweats on.  I remember waking up with them on, but I don’t remember putting them on.  I do know that I was seeing double, so I closed one eye to look at people.  It was a costume party.  We didn’t dress up, but I should have gone as a pirate.  The eyepatch would have come in handy.

Yeah, so anyway.  Steve was a sweetie, but he likes it when I’m tipsy ’cause I get a little frisky.  I was kissing him a lot at the party.  So I guess he was happy to hold my hair back while I put my face in the toilet of people I wouldn’t recognize if I met on the street today, and puked until my socks came up.

Yeah, so I was hung over bad most of the day yesterday.  My mom and dad thought it was pretty funny.  Assholes.  I didn’t throw up anymore after Friday night, but only ’cause I was drugged up on Dramamine and Excedrin and Advil. Yes, I killed my liver after I pickled it, but I was miserable.

I think I went to the party dehydrated, and then they had this grain alcohol stuff that made me buzz after one glass… and then I had three more glasses, plus a jell-o shot.  So anyway, I think maybe I’m too old to party on a regular basis.

I should have stopped after I was buzzing instead of going on to full fledged drunk, but oh well.

I didn’t come here to tell you that, either, but what the hell.

See ya later.

Pneumonia and Steroids…

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Yup, that’s me right now.  I was in bed, mostly unconscious on Thursday.  Steve took me to the doctor and they gave me antibiotics and steroids.  So yesterday, the steroids really took effect and I was pissed off for no reason, but I could breathe, stand, and shower on my own, so it didn’t matter, you know?

My guess is that I had pneumonia, based on my inability to breathe without severe pain, my lips turning slightly blue when I stood up, severe lethargy, etc. I could be wrong about that, of course, and the doc didn’t tell me one way or the other, and didn’t do any diagnostic tests.  I suppose it doesn’t matter much, except it’s nice to know for informational purposes, since they more than likely would treat it the same way whether it was bronchitis or pneumonia.

Oh well.  The ‘roids are giving me rage and energy, and the urge to write again.  Thank God this is a short pack of ’em.  Started out with 24mg [in six pills] and go down one pill per day, so I should be able to maintain my sanity, eh?

Life is still good.  I am happy.  Oh!  I got accepted into nursing school, and will start that in August.  After just eleven months, I’ll be an LPN.  My plan is to work setting up medical equipment in homes, ’cause working at the hospital here would suck.  The pay sucks, the hospital itself sucks [well, if you’re a patient, anyway].  Apparently, the administration thinks that the nursing staff is the least important rung on the patient care ladder, so they don’t pay very well, and they hire crappy nurses.

I’m a good nurse [yes, already, even without the certificate or work experience that says so]  so I’d be a good addition to any office or hospital floor, but working in bad conditions is not something to which I really want to expose myself.  It’s crazy that the hospital here pays LPNs about $12-$14 an hour, and the medical equipment setting up job mentioned above pays $22 an hour.

Kind of a no-brainer, eh?

So I’m thinking that if I get a good job as an LPN, I’ll go on and get my BSN here in town.  There’s an ADN [that’s a two year nursing degree] program about an hour from here [in KC] but the school costs $16,000 for 8-10 months of schooling, and the BSN program here is around $3500 a year, and it’s a four-year degree.

The four year degree mostly just looks better on paper than the two year, and there are different opinions on which program actually makes better nurses.  However, if I get my BSN, then it’ll be easier to get my master’s and become a nurse practitioner, which is actually what I’m thinking of doing.

If I’m gonna do the career thing, it seems like I should go far enough to make it worth my while.  Nursing is a worthy thing to do just for the love of helping people, and I plan to do short-term medical trips to other countries to help out where people really need it, but I’d be lying if I said that was my only reason.

Nursing is a way for me to help my own family: to help take away some of the financial stress we’ve been living under for over ten years now, to pay for my kids’ education, to give us something to retire on.   Nursing is a practical way for me to ensure these things, an it’s something that I know for sure I can do, that there will always be a job available, and the jobs are varied enough that if I get bored working in one area, I can move on to a different one.

Am I giving up my dreams of writing, or being an artist?  No, not exactly, but I have realized that writing and art can’t really be depended upon to put food on the table, at least not until you actually finish a book and start getting paid for it.  I’m not even close to that.  I don’t even know if I have what it takes to write a whole novel, because I’ve yet to find the determination to stick with a plot long enough to finish it.

I may always just be a blogger and hobby writer, and that’s perfectly respectable.  I may also get some kind of crazy inspiration and be the next JK Rowling, and that would be fine, too [hee hee, but just ‘fine,’ not ridiculously wonderful or anything!].  But, I don’t know the future, so while I’m still dreaming that one day I’ll be a great famous writer, I’m making plans that will help take care of my family in the meantime, eh?

So, how are you doing?  Leave a comment and let me know, okay?

Because I Can’t Freaking Sleep

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Random thoughts.  I have to teach Sunday School in the morning.  Steve and I slept late this morning, so I’m wired, even though it’s after midnight.  I go down to 10mgs of Prednisone tomorrow.

Yay.  I’ve almost survived it.  And I’m almost back to normal.

You know, there’s a part of me that gets embarrassed when I blog about sex.  Which is weird, since I grew up in a home that was pretty open about it.  My mom made sure I knew all the gory details the first time I asked [at about age 5 or 6].  I don’t think she anticipated my near-perfect auditory recall.

I shared all those gory details with anyone who would listen, too.  It’s probably a good thing we never went to church when I was a kid.  I might have been excommunicated as a kid.  Okay, not really, but I might have been scarred for life since I was uber-sensitive as a kid and would have died if an adult would have told me something I’d done was inappropriate.

We drove an hour and a half to eat dinner with Steve’s family tonight.  I managed not to wring anyone’s neck, so that was good.  I have good in-laws, but I get annoyed sometimes, and with me still being a bit erratic from the Prednisone, I was worried that Steve’s aunt would say something that hit me wrong and I’d let her have it.

I didn’t, though, so it was all good.

We listened to Nickelback all the way there, so I was happy when we got to the restaurant.  The food sucked, though.  I should have ordered something from the menu instead of eating the buffet, but I was thinking about money.  Oy.

I thoroughly enjoyed the live chat at Doug’s place.  I’m gonna have to get me one of those cameras and hook it up.  Actually, I might have one that I forgot about.  It’s in a box some where, though, and we have a lot of freaking boxes.

This is mostly an anonymous blog, even though I write about personal stuff, but I don’t think I’ve ever used my last name, although I have said where I live.  I don’t know why I think I shouldn’t tell people my last name.  I think it’s my natural tendency toward paranoia.

That, and I’m the only Shelbi _____ in the freaking world.  Weird first name spelling combined with a rare last name would make it really easy for anyone to find me.  I think I started out being careful because I didn’t know how many readers I’d have.  It’s probably safe to say that I’m never gonna have a lot.

I’m not good at sticking to one topic, I’m not good at being ‘provocative’ and I hate soap-opera shit anyway, so even if I tried it, I couldn’t maintain it for any length of time.  So I do random stuff about the things I think about, and I’m okay with that, you know?

Not interesting, necessarily [although a lot of people come see my post about Brazilian waxing] but it’s cathartic, so I continue.

Steroids have killed my libido.  It wasn’t that great to begin with [I’m okay having sex 2-4 times a month… which is a stark contrast to Steve, who would like to have sex at least every other day, and once every day would be even better].   I don’t know if we’ll ever be perfectly compatible in this area.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex, because I do.  But with it being as much work as it is for me to reach orgasm [remember, I have to have a plug-in close by or it’s a no-O] I just think to myself, “Damn, I’m tired.  It’s gonna take this long, and then we have to… blah blah blah.”

I know that sometimes I should just do a ‘quickie’ [our term for no vibrator, and no orgasm for Shelbi] but I don’t want to.  I get all angsty and depressed sometimes feeling guilty because I don’t want to mess with sex unless I can come, too, but I don’t want to put forth all the effort it takes to have an orgasm, so poor Stevie just gets no sex [well, no partner sex anyway].

In Christian circles, they pretty much tell us to ‘do our duty’ but I’m not much for duty.  If I ‘have’ to do something, I’ll avoid it even more usual, which is obviously not what I want to do here.

And the thing is, I want to have more desire for sex, I just don’t know how to kick start my libido, you know?  I don’t really know what has caused it to be so low [well, I think the prednisone has made it even worse than usual, but I never have much].  So I have no idea what I need to do to increase it.

I’ve wondered about creams and stuff [is it testosterone cream?] but I haven’t had the courage to ask my doctor about ways to increase my libido.  It makes me nervous, just because it’s so personal [and face to face is way different than blogging about it] and the ‘what ifs’ could make me crazy.

My biggest fear is that I’ll tell her and either she’ll blow me off [which she’s never done, so I don’t think that’s a realistic fear] or we’ll try everything available and nothing will work.  I don’t know why having a problem with a possible cure [that I’m not using] is preferable to  trying to fix it and finding out the cures don’t work for me, but I think that might be the issue, here.

I dunno.

Michaela is crying, so I guess I’m done for now.