Eesh. Well, I survived the first of "The Talks" with my eight year old daughter [the five year old got in on the tail of it because his curiosity got the better of him]. I put Michaela and Matthew to bed and brought Shaya in to talk to her about…
She's eight, and I knew all about the mechanics of puberty and baby making by the time I was five or six [I had an older cousin who was talking about sex and I asked my mom about it. She proceeded to give me every tiny detail about puberty and sex.
I was probably too young to have that much information. I think she told me all of it probably half thinking I wouldn't be able to understand it and I'd forget. I didn't forget, and a couple of years later [second grade] during a sleepover I told my best friends all about the mechanics as well.
I'm sure if they told their moms, those women loved me since they hadn't gotten around to telling their kids much yet. The good news is, I was properly informed so I could correct all my friends' rumors and hearsay from older siblings and friends.
Yeah, well, telling your peers about puberty is a little different than telling your daughter, but she and Matt seemed to understand what I said, and they weren't the least bit embarrassed, which is a Very Good Thing.
I also got to tell Shaya that in a couple of years, she's probably going to think all sorts of horrible things about me, that I'm trying to ruin her life, that I'm stupid, etc. And that it's normal, but when it happens she should try to remember why it's happening and try not to go completely bonkers [not in those words, of course, but it seems like if a person knows what to expect, it's not as scary and they can cope better with the experience.
That's my theory, anyway. Whether it ends up being a load of shit remains to be seen.
I do feel, however, that it is really important that they get the correct information before they get the crap that kids spread so that they know the crap when they see it.
We didn't talk about where babies come from in the sense of how they're conceived, but we did talk about sperm and eggs. They aren't really interested in all that yet, so I figure I'll wait until they ask.
I really felt led to bring up the puberty thing with Shaya tonight, though, and when I read that it can start between the ages of 8 and 13, I realized that I did a good thing. My own puberty started when I was nine.
I knew what was happening, but it was still weird, embarrassing, and a little uncomfortable [that whole breast growing thing hurt! Too bad it was practically pointless since they barely became visible after all that effort. Gaining weight with my pregnancies helped, but not much. Plus I have this butt that goes on forever now, which is more depressing than anything.]
So anyway, at least she won't think she's dying or that something is seriously wrong with her when this all starts. And I have to endeavor to remember that the inevitable teen-aged weirdness isn't her fault.
I'm praying that we'll have a smooth adolescence, but with two girls, I'm not holding my breath. If Michaela's twos are any indication, we are going to have so much fun when she hits thirteen.
Y'all pray for me, okay?
We did the MS Walk today. I think we walked somewhere between three and five miles today, which is two and a half to four and a half more miles than I usually walk. I know I chase the kids around all day, but it's not really exercise. The only time my heart rate goes up is when they're trying to tear the house down, so I'm not getting much in the way of physical fitness.
That sucks since I'm 32 now and have a history of every preventable [through diet and exercise] disease known to man on one side or the other in my family. My dad has high blood pressure, and my mom has high cholesterol and adult onset diabetes [aka insulin resistance] so I'm gonna have to start taking care of myself or I'm going to end up inadvertently killing myself by being too sedentary.
Steve's dad died because his blood pressure and diabetes [also type II] weren't well controlled. He had several strokes, the first one not too long after Shaya was born, and the last one was shortly after Michaela was born. The hard thing to deal with there is that if he'd taken better care of himself, he might have prevented most of his health problems, and more than likely could have prolonged his life past 58 years.
I know it's not easy to change life-long behaviors. Hell, look at my struggle with my own fitness and with depression. But it can be done if you have the right attitude and enough help if you need it.
So, that's one of my goals for myself. I want to take better care of myself physically and mentally, artistically and spiritually, emotionally. Yup. All of it. Sometimes I do okay with a couple of things for a while and then I kinda slack off. But the fact that I'm still blogging is proof that at least one thing stuck.
This helps me a lot emotionally. I think it helps spiritually because I vent about religion a lot, and kinda figure stuff out here. And I think I'm improving artistically just from a practice standpoint. Putting sentences and paragraphs together is writing practice, even if it is just a few paragraphs on some random topics.
I try to be coherent here, even if I do switch topics rather erratically 😉 Mwahahahahaaa! That's the fun of being me.
I'm working through some religious stuff again. I reached peace last night after a fight with God [or with my image of God vs. who he really is?] I dunno, it was weird.
I was trying to figure out some stuff about the Bible, and historical inaccuracies [which have been proved beyond doubt] and what that means for the inerrancy of the Bible. Which led me to wondering how much of the Bible is inaccurate, and how the heck I'm supposed to figure out what's true and what isn't.
What I keep coming back to is that more than likely, a good portion of the Bible is Hebrew mythology [probably some Christian mythology in the New Testament, too]. But there are some threads that run consistently throughout, and that is the love of God [although in the OT it's his love for the Hebrews and in the NT, that kinda spreads to all mankind. I think maybe God's love for all mankind was always there, but maybe the people missed it, thinking it was only for them].
I don't know, I could be off in La La Land here, but as I try to reconcile the God of love that I know personally to the God who told kings to destroy entire cities including women and children, as well as the NT where in one book, Paul says that man is saved by grace alone and his faith in that grace, and then James says faith without works is dead… Well, you can see how it gets rather circular.
So, I'm working on it. I'm trying to research it not only from a Christian standpoint since they are rather biased. I've noticed that so many Christian answers are over-simplified and only take on a single layer of a question that has several.
It's hard when the answers that make sense aren't the ones you thought they'd be. It's hard when your religion of choice doesn't appear to stand up to scrutiny.
Yes, I still believe in God, and yes, I still am a follower of Jesus, but I'm seriously skeptical about every thing else in Christianity. I don't know the answers, and unfortunately, I don't know anyone else who does either [although a lot of people think they do].
So I'm still in a big mess spiritually. I'm not losing my faith, but it's changing and I really don't know if I'll still be a Traditional Christian when this is all over with. That's a little scary for me, since I've believed for over ten years that you can't go to heaven without being a Christian.
That view is beginning to change in my mind and heart, but to a lot of people, it's heresy, and a one-way ticket to hell.
Preachers always say that going to seminary will either make you stronger in your faith or send you running from it. This is like that for me, except I'm trying to learn it on my own, which may be a really good or really bad thing depending on whether I end up being mostly right or mostly wrong [I doubt anyone is completely right about religion, it's all too weird and smoke-like for that].
Yeah, so anyway, if you pray, please pray that God will help me find the truth about who he is. I'd really like to know.