Category Archives: Prayer Requests

Still have power…


So far.  A lot of people in my area have lost power, so it may be just a matter of time.  Steve went to work today, and I guess he’s been pretty busy.

Apparently, the big trucks aren’t slowing down, so every time he sees one in a ditch, he gives ’em a ticket.  Why is it that people who live here, and should know better, think they don’t have to slow down when it’s icy?

There’s probably a half inch or more covering everything outside.  The trees are gorgeous, but they’re falling apart and their pitiful broken branches are landing in inconvenient places.  The kids are home from school today [and loving it].

Steve and I were talking a little bit ago and we got cut off.  I just sent a page to his phone.  I’m going to give him a little bit of time to call me back before I call Troop to make sure he’s okay.  Right now, I’m not worried, but if the anxiety starts, I’ll be giving them a call.

Fun times.

Oh Dear.


Well, if you didn’t know by now, I live in Missouri, and the weather forecast is calling for a massive ice storm here, starting tonight and going into tomorrow.  That’s all fine and good, but they’re saying the accumulation could be over an inch of ice.

That could be bad for the power in town.  We have a gas stove and a gas water heater, so we’ll have food and hot water [hopefully] but the possibility of a power outage, if indeed we do end up with that much ice, is pretty good.

So if you don’t hear from me for a few days, either via the blog or e-mail, don’t take it personally, okay?  And let’s just pray that this storm has a lot less bite than the weather people think it will.



Well, I’m still here, still alive, but too freaking busy for words.  Any words, so don’t feel left out.

My mom went in for a simple, one day laparoscopic gallbladder surgery on September 21, and she’s still not recovered from it because her surgeon screwed up… numerous times.

The first one could have happened to anyone, he cut her bowel accidentally and had to fix it.  Six days later, they sent her home, in excruciating pain, with an undiagnosed bowel obstruction and abscess.

She called the doctor the next day because she was throwing up massive quantities of bile, and he said, “Well, go back to ice chips.”  A few days later, she called again, still throwing up, and cried, begging him, saying she couldn’t take the pain anymore.

He told her to go to the ER.  When she got there, they did an X-Ray and found the abscess and obstruction.  They did an emergency bowel resection, on Sunday, September 30, and on Tuesday, October  2, she started having chest pain.

The nurses thought she wanted pain meds, and she ended up screaming at them that her chest hurt, not her incision, and they needed to do something.

When they finally got the EKG hooked up, they found that she was having a major heart attack.  The heart doc came in, and they got it stopped and transferred her to a city hospital, where she had two stents put in the next day.

There were two blockages in her circumflex [that might not be spelled right] artery in her heart [that’s the one in the back of the heart] one blockage  was 90%, and the other one was 99%. 

If she’d been at home, she would have died. 

So they kept her at the city hospital for five days, until Saturday, and Steve and I were there.  When they sent her home, I thought things were finally calming down.

I tried to call them Sunday night, but couldn’t get ahold of them, on Monday, my dad called and said that mom’s stitches had burst, and she was back in the hospital.


So they sent her home on Tuesday, and I came down to take care of her.  I’ve been here ever since. 

The surgeon put these horrible things called “Stay Sutures” or Retention Sutures in.  Turns out, she’s allergic to the stitches they used, and was in constant, excruciating pain until Monday when they took them out. 

On Tuesday, she was still in a lot of pain, and we were both depressed as hell.  Wednesday, she had a wonderful day, with bearable pain, and we thought the worst was behind us.

Thursday morning, the bad pain was back [although not as severe as before] and we were depressed again.  We realized that it’s just going to be a slow process, which sucks.

Today, Friday, her pain is less, but now there’s fresh blood in the drainage from her wounds [where she popped open due to pressure from too much fluid built up in her abdomen].

Her asshole surgeon [who I’ve had to fight with repeatedly to get medicine for pain, and about taking the stay sutures out] is out of town until Monday.

I’m keeping an eye on the blood, praying that it doesn’t increase. 

Also, today we found out that her Medicare isn’t going to pay for her medicines for the rest of the year.  Plan D sucks.  They have what they call a ‘do-nut hole’ where the patient has to pay 100% of their medicine costs once medicare has paid $2200 for the year. 

If the cost gets over $5000, it kicks in again.  Un-fucking-believable.

She has several medicines that she has to take for her diabetes, high cholesterol, and heart condition, none of which are cheap.

I have no way to help out, and I have no idea what they’re going to do.

Oh yeah, Steve, Shaya, and Matthew are at home, and Michaela is with me, so I haven’t seen my kids or husband in almost two weeks.  We only have one vehicle, and I have it, so he can’t come see me, and  mom needs constant care.

I miss my family, my friends, my home, and even my stupid dogs, who shit all over the floor while Steve was at work yesterday… diarrhea. 

I’m not sleeping at night, and until today, mom’s internet has been screwed up, so it’s been fun.

So.  That’s my life these days.  Aren’t you glad you stopped by?

If you pray, would you say one for my parents?

The Talk


Eesh.  Well, I survived the first of "The Talks" with my eight year old daughter [the five year old got in on the tail of it because his curiosity got the better of him].  I put Michaela and Matthew to bed and brought Shaya in to talk to her about…


She's eight, and I knew all about the mechanics of puberty and  baby making by the time I was five or six [I had an older cousin who was talking about sex and I asked my mom about it.  She proceeded to give me every tiny detail about puberty and sex.

I was probably too young to have that much information.  I think she told me all of it probably half thinking I wouldn't be able to understand it and I'd forget.  I didn't forget, and a couple of years later [second grade] during a sleepover I told my best friends all about the mechanics as well.

I'm sure if they told their moms, those women loved me since they hadn't gotten around to telling their kids much yet.  The good news is, I was properly informed so I could correct all my friends' rumors and hearsay from older siblings and friends.

Yeah, well, telling your peers about puberty is a little different than telling your daughter, but she and Matt seemed to understand what I said, and they weren't the least bit embarrassed, which is a Very Good Thing.

I also got to tell Shaya that in a couple of years, she's probably going to think all sorts of horrible things about me, that I'm trying to ruin her life, that I'm stupid, etc. And that it's normal, but when it happens she should try to remember why it's happening and try not to go completely bonkers [not in those words, of course, but it seems like if a person knows what to expect, it's not as scary and they can cope better with the experience.

That's my theory, anyway.  Whether it ends up being a load of shit remains to be seen.

I do feel, however, that it is really important that they get the correct information before they get the crap that kids spread so that they know the crap when they see it.

We didn't talk about where babies come from in the sense of how they're conceived, but we did talk about sperm and eggs.  They aren't really interested in all that yet, so I figure I'll wait until they ask.

I really felt led to bring up the puberty thing with Shaya tonight, though, and when I read that it can start between the ages of 8 and 13, I realized that I did a good thing.  My own puberty started when I was nine. 

I knew what was happening, but it was still weird, embarrassing, and a little uncomfortable [that whole breast growing thing hurt!  Too bad it was practically pointless since they barely became visible after all that effort.  Gaining weight with my pregnancies helped, but not much.  Plus I have this butt that goes on forever now, which is more depressing than anything.] 

So anyway, at least she won't think she's dying or that something is seriously wrong with her when this all starts.  And I have to endeavor to remember that the inevitable teen-aged weirdness isn't her fault.

I'm praying that we'll have a smooth adolescence, but with two girls, I'm not holding my breath.  If Michaela's twos are any indication, we are going to have so much fun when she hits thirteen.  

Y'all pray for me, okay?

We did the MS Walk today.  I think we walked somewhere between three and five miles today, which is two and a half to four and a half more miles than I usually walk.  I know I chase the kids around all day, but it's not really exercise.  The only time my heart rate goes up is when they're trying to tear the house down, so I'm not getting much in the way of physical fitness.

That sucks since I'm 32 now and have a history of every preventable [through diet and exercise] disease known to man on one side or the other in my family.  My dad has high blood pressure, and my mom has high cholesterol and adult onset diabetes [aka insulin resistance] so I'm gonna have to start taking care of myself or I'm going to end up inadvertently killing myself by being too sedentary.  

Steve's dad died because his blood pressure and diabetes [also type II] weren't well controlled.  He had several strokes, the first one not too long after Shaya was born, and the last one was shortly after Michaela was born.  The hard thing to deal with there is that if he'd taken better care of himself, he might have prevented most of his health problems, and more than likely could have prolonged his life past 58 years.

I know it's not easy to change life-long behaviors.  Hell, look at my struggle with my own fitness and with depression.  But it can be done if you have the right attitude and enough help if you need it.  

So, that's one of my goals for myself.  I want to take better care of myself physically and mentally, artistically and spiritually, emotionally.  Yup.  All of it.  Sometimes I do okay with a couple of things for a while and then I kinda slack off.  But the fact that I'm still blogging is proof that at least one thing stuck.

This helps me a lot emotionally.  I think it helps spiritually because I vent about religion a lot, and kinda figure stuff out here.  And I think I'm improving artistically just from a practice standpoint.  Putting sentences and paragraphs together is writing practice, even if it is just a few paragraphs on some random topics.

I try to be coherent here, even if I do switch topics rather erratically 😉  Mwahahahahaaa!  That's the fun of being me.

I'm working through some religious stuff again.  I reached peace last night after a fight with God [or with my image of God vs. who he really is?] I dunno, it was weird. 

I was trying to figure out some stuff about the Bible, and historical inaccuracies [which have been proved beyond doubt] and what that means for the inerrancy of the Bible.  Which led me to wondering how much of the Bible is inaccurate, and how the heck I'm supposed to figure out what's true and what isn't. 

What I keep coming back to is that more than likely, a good portion of the Bible is Hebrew mythology [probably some Christian mythology in the New Testament, too].  But there are some threads that run consistently throughout, and that is the love of God [although in the OT it's his love for the Hebrews and in the NT, that kinda spreads to all mankind.  I think maybe God's love for all mankind was always there, but maybe the people missed it, thinking it was only for them].

I don't know, I could be off in La La Land here, but as I try to reconcile the God of love that I know personally to the God who told kings to destroy entire cities including women and children, as well as the NT where in one book, Paul says that man is saved by grace alone and his faith in that grace, and then James says faith without works is dead… Well, you can see how it gets rather circular.

So, I'm working on it.  I'm trying to research it not only from a Christian standpoint since they are rather biased.  I've noticed that so many Christian answers are over-simplified and only take on a single layer of a question that has several.

It's hard when the answers that make sense aren't the ones you thought they'd be.  It's hard when your religion of choice doesn't appear to stand up to scrutiny.

Yes, I still believe in God, and yes, I still am a follower of Jesus, but I'm seriously skeptical about every thing else in Christianity.  I don't know the answers, and unfortunately, I don't know anyone else who does either [although a lot of people think they do].

So I'm still in a big mess spiritually.  I'm not losing my faith, but it's changing and I really don't know if I'll still be a  Traditional Christian when this is all over with.  That's a little scary for me, since I've believed for over ten years that you can't go to heaven without being a Christian.

That view is beginning to change in my mind and heart, but to a lot of people, it's heresy, and a one-way ticket to hell.  

Preachers always say that going to seminary will either make you stronger in your faith or send you running from it.  This is like that for me, except I'm trying to learn it on my own, which may be a really good or really bad thing depending on whether I end up being mostly right or mostly wrong [I doubt anyone is completely right about religion, it's all too weird and smoke-like for that].

Yeah, so anyway, if you pray, please pray that God will help me find the truth about who he is.  I'd really like to know. 

Taking the Night Off


See ya either tomorrow or Monday. Steve's family is coming up, so I may not get a chance to blog around.

In the mean time, Jill Carroll got a chance to speak for herself. [Link shamelessly stolen from Blue Gal]

I have a feeling that Jill can take care of herself, but she and her family are still in my prayers, as are the rest of the hostages.

Let's end this thing, Mr. President. Stop being such a shit.

Well, folks, write this one down for history


I actually did laundry today.  I did all the kids’ laundry and actually got it finished.  By finished, I mean that I washed, dried, and semi-folded [laid stuff out flat so it could be put on hangers easily] five or six big loads of laundry.

Made me realize just how many clothes my kids have.  Frightening, I tell you.  I buy it on eBay [no retail for this girl] so I sometimes get a big lot all at once, and then I end up forgetting what I’ve got on order and bid on another big lot, and I end up with way too much stuff for each of them.

That, and the more clothes you have, the less you have to do laundry.  But that backfires because by the time I get around to doing it, it’s stacked up so high I get overwhelmed and put it off longer.  Vicious cycle, ain’t it?

So anyway, I have to get up way too early to go do my jury duty, but my mom and dad saved us the nightmare of trying to juggle the kids by taking them all.

They called this morning and said they thought they’d take two, since Michaela [that’s the two-year-old] might get a little weird if she’s all alone.  So I said they could take Shaya [age eight] because she does better with MRF [that’s Michaela’s nickname, coined by my mom and pronounced Murph, just fyi].

So they said that was cool [don’t you just love my description of the conversation here?  I’m boycotting quotes right now ’cause I’m tired].

A few minutes later, they called back and said they’d made an executive decision… I thought o crap, what does this mean?  They said that they didn’t want Matthew [five years] to feel left out, so they would go ahead and take all three of them until the trial is over.

Glory Be!  What a relief.  So tomorrow, Steve’s gonna drive them to the farm [or meet somewhere in the middle if the roads are good].  We have a winter storm warning in effect until Tuesday here in Northwestern Misery, so I’ll be getting to drive into down town KC in the freaking snow.

Ugh.  Have I mentioned that I hate driving in the city?  Oh boy, I avoid it like the plague.  In fact, Steve’s family all lives there and I have yet to be forced to drive there.  That all ends either tomorrow or Tuesday.

Y’all pray for me, okay?  I’m sleepy now, so I have to go.  Good night, dear friends.