Category Archives: The Husband

She’s Baaaaacckkk!!!

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For how long, who knows, but for now, I’m back on this old thing and giving it another go.

I actually started another blog because this one had a tendency to draw unwanted guests, but then I thought, wait a minute…I’m letting someone chase me from a place where I spent a good FIVE YEARS of my life writing.  And even though it might be fun at times, it IS work, dammit!  But no one even knows I’m still alive because I don’t want to deal with possible backlash if I’m open and honest here.

Standard profanity clause here…if it bothers you, don’t continue reading this, okay?

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I’m Back! Back in the saddle agaiiiiiin!

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What is that song?  It just pummelled me out of no where.

So, it occurred to me that I used to write in my blog a lot, then I didn’t anymore.  Dunno why, just sort of lost interest or something.  Well, that and life got busy for some reason.  Steve and I have friends that we spend a lot of time with, and I talk a lot now, so the need to get the words out is kinda taken care of, well, verbally.

So anyway.  Is anyone else sick to death of Paris Hilton?  What a freaking baby.  Yeah, I’d be scared if I had to go to jail, too, but damn, she should have thought of that before she endangered the lives of possibly hundreds of people by driving drunk.

I mean, come on!  She’s richer than God and she can’t hire a fucking driver?  Gimme a fucking break.  Cry me a river, Paris.  Spend your forty five days in jail and shut the fuck up.  Preferably forever.  Not dead, mind you, just stop being so stupid.  Don’t you realize that there’s more to life than parties?

Go to a third world country and build a school or something.  Do something useful with your life and stop being a waste of good air.  Arrrgghghhh.

Isaiah Washington got fired from Grey’s Anatomy.  Well thank God!  What a dumbass.

So.  My life.  Steve broke his knee playing soft ball a couple of weeks ago.  He ran to catch a ball, but didn’t call it because he didn’t think he’d get there, and another guy did the same thing.  Just as Steve landed on his left knee, the other guy ran into it.  They both heard a loud pop, and it turned out that the his femur and tibia smashed together, and crushed the corner of his tibia.

The doctor called it his “Patella Plateau” but I think he actually meant his “Tibial Plateau.”  Not that it really matters; he broke his fucking knee.  So, no work for three weeks, which was fine since we’d scheduled a three day weekend to go camping, plus a week’s vacation to go to Mexico on a mission trip.

We went camping and Steve got sick.  It scared him [sick, on crutches in Mexico could be really bad, especially if we’re talking about Montezuma’s Revenge  so anyway, we decided to stay home.

Steve’s mom and sister had agreed to keep the kids for the week, and they said they’d go ahead and keep them even though we skipped Mexico, so we’ve had the whole week to be alone.  And together.  Which is actually kinda cool because we still like each other.  I’m pretty impressed with that.

August 19th will be our twelfth anniversary.  We’ve been together 13 and a half years now [good god, has it really been that long?]  I love him even though he’s a dork and broke his knee, just to catch a freaking soft ball.  I should mention that he did catch it and make the out, though.

He heard the pop of his knee and rolled around on the ground in pain for a few seconds, and then he realized that he’d caught the ball and needed to let them know it, so he stopped writhing long enough to hold the ball up and show everyone that he caught the ball.  I really wonder about that boy sometimes.

People have been giving him shit about being older than he thinks, which makes me laugh to no end.  He fully intends to play soft ball again after his six weeks is up.  We’ll see about that.

So anyway, life has been busy, crazy, scary in spots [amazingly, all of his tendons and ligaments are intact, thank God.  That could have ended his career, which is a conversation we’re going to have to have here before too long.  He needs to wait until I have a job that can support us all before he damages himself too bad, you know?  Grr.]  but overall good.

So, now that it’s two in the morning, I think I’ll go to bed.  G’night.

Monday Morning Coming Down

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Today was my third day on 30mgs of Prednisone, and I’m beginning to feel like my old self again.  I’m feeling more calm, which is such a welcome thing I can’t even express it in words.  I thought I was a bit of a spaz before, but compared to Steroid Shelbi, I’m a walking peace zone.

I guess the best thing about this whole thing is I’ve realized just how good I have it.  I’m not as odd or as crazy as I thought [at least when I’m not on steroids] and I think I have a clearer picture of who I really am.

I live in my head too much, and forget sometimes what’s most important, but who doesn’t, right?

Steve and I had an interesting time today.  We actually talked about our parenting/teaching strategy with the kids on an issue and have a game plan of how to deal with it.  Steve and Matthew changed the oil in the van, and then Steve, Shaya and Matthew changed the spark plugs on the motorcycle and Matthew was beside himself with happiness.

We know that we need to focus on spending more time with the kids [especially Steve in being the ‘dad.’]  I was so glad that he took time with Matt and taught him how to change the oil.  Matthew is almost six and his ‘favorite’ parent has always been me because I’m the one he spends the most time with.

The thing is, I’m not a guy, so even though I love my son dearly, I’m not into ‘guy things’ like cars and hunting and sports and such, and while I bond with him, it’s as a mom to her son, obviously, and Matt needs to bond with his daddy, too.

Steve is an excellent example of what a good man looks like [he’s one of the best on the planet, and I’m not just saying that ’cause he’s my husband] but if Steve’s not around for Matt to watch and imitate, how will he ever learn to be like his dad?

Matthew has a tendency toward ‘just getting by’ and unfortunately, that’s the way I’ve been my whole life.  I’ve only decided as an adult that it’s important to have a good work ethic, to do the right thing whether anybody’s watching or not, and to treat all of creation with respect and love.

I wish that my parents could have helped more to instill those qualities in me at an earlier age, simply because there was a lot of bad that could have been avoided, and a lot of good that was missed.  I see now the benefit of doing your very best because it’s the right thing to do, but only after skating through life doing everything half-assed for a long time.

And anyone who’s ever tried to break a bad habit knows how hard it is to change, so now I have 30+ years of ‘ruts’ to break out of and it’s a bitch, lemme tell ya.  I can’t do it overnight, and I’m able to accept that now and keep working anyway, but if there’s a way I can prevent my kids from having to go through the crap I’ve been through, well, isn’t that a good thing?

So anyway, I’m doing my best, but little boys and their mothers [or at least this set] don’t speak the same language, so I need Steve around to translate, eh?  And we need to have a united front on how we want to teach them to deal with certain things.

Well, I think I’m done now.  I go down to 20mgs on Wednesday, and I’m looking forward to having the Prednisone completely out of my system in a few weeks [I’ve heard it takes a while].  I’ve gained five pounds in two weeks, which pisses me off in a bad way.  Steve and I are gonna try to go join the YMCA tomorrow and get started on a fitness program [they charge you according to your income, so we should be able to afford it, YAY!].

I’ve needed to for years, butI think I’m finally ready to take the plunge and actually work on my fitness level.

It was a good day, the first in almost three weeks [counting whatever illness I had that started the whole God-awful joint and muscle pain that necessitated the damn steroids].  I’m glad to be better, and extremely thankful that my blood tests came back normal [have I mentioned that here yet?]  It’s hard to feel like shit and not know why, but I’m reasonable enough now to realize that being diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening illness is not exactly a good thing, either.

It’s nice to be [mostly] rational again.

Checking In

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I have to wait until August 18 to register the kids for school, but I’ve decided to take the plunge and send them. Honestly?  I think they’re gonna be fine.

I’ve worked out a brilliant way [if I do say so myself! 😉 ] to get some help doing the housework [which I hate, have I mentioned that?]  I’ve worked out a deal with my friend Lindsay where I watch her little boy in exchange for her cleaning my house.

Lindsay actually likes cleaning other people’s houses, so this is a good exchange, yes?  And she’s as anal about doing a good job as I am [I never start because if I can’t do it perfectly, and finish the whole thing, I lose my mind… Lindsay’s the same way, but when we’re together, I’m able to take time out to take care of the kids and she can continue working, which means that it’s lots more efficient, less time-consuming, and more fun because I have a compatible house-cleaning partner].

Steve and I used to work really well together before we got married.  What the hell is that about?  We used to have a system where we’d work in a complimentary fashion until all the work was done, then something weird happened, and we stopped getting along so well, and we started getting on each other’s nerves.

Makes me wonder if I have a passive-aggressive streak, because as I’m sitting here thinking about it, I think part of my motivation for not wanting to help him anymore is because I’m frustrated with him in some area of our lives and it’s a sick form of revenge.

How fucked up is that?  Jeez, I’m just not a very nice person, am I?  I don’t think it’s been a completely conscious thing, more a thing where I’m annoyed or frustrated and I don’t want to be around him, or listening to his ‘ideas’ about how I should conduct whatever task we’re doing.

I also have this thing where when I’m trying to talk, I’ll accidentally speak in half thoughts or forget what things are called [an example, you know those spotlight things that go around in circles that businesses sometimes use to draw attention to themselves when it’s dark?  We saw one of those one night, and the only word I could think of to call it was spigot…  Everyone laughed, including me, but I honestly couldn’t think of the word ‘spotlight’ to save my life.  I think it’s interesting that spigot and spotlight have many similarities in what letters they contain and the sounds involved…]

So anyway, whatever that’s called, I have it bad.  [I’m thinking dysphagia, but I could be wrong… and if I’m right?  Why the hell can I come up with complicated medical terms but not simple ones like cookie sheet, or cabinet?]

Sometimes it’s worse than others, but Steve gets irritated with me when I can’t express myself in the proper terms, and I get frustrated with him because he absolutely refuses to try to think like I do so that he can understand me [I’m convinced he could if he wanted to… probably not true, but there you go].

Another thing that’s weird, is I generally write better than I can speak, so it’s just getting the words to my freaking mouth that’s usually the problem.  I dunno, it’s weird to be me sometimes.

It’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, so maybe it has to do with having kids and only being half involved in any conversation going on because the other half is involved in watching the kids.  Let’s hope so, that way maybe there’s hope that it will get better…

Anyway, I’ve got some stuff to do, so I better go now.  Peace out, y’all.

Update on Diet and Other Stuff

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Okay, I don't think I mentioned it here, but about the time I realized that my blood pressure was high, I also got a bad case of diarrhea. I'd eat and about ten minutes later, I'd have a bad stomach cramp and have to run to the bathroom.

I called my doctor about it, and she was more concerned with my intestines than my blood pressure, so she put me on some antibiotics, thinking maybe I'd picked up a bacterial infection somewhere. She also switched my diet to clear liquids/bland food, with no dairy products.

Within a day of switching my diet, I was having to go to the bathroom fewer times in the day [down from 8-10 to 3-5]. It was still loose, though, so we tried a medicine used to lower cholesterol that causes constipation. It worked, but I started having horrible fibromyalgia-type pain, and I wondered if the new med could have caused it [I don't know how it's possible, but that was the theory].

After my antibiotic was done, and I had improved quite a bit, I stopped taking the cholesterol medicine and resumed my regular diet. The stupid diarrhea came back, although not as severe as before, it's still very annoying.

Plus, it's been four weeks since I went off the pill, and my blood pressure is still high. I'd rather try to fix this crap without medicine if I can, and the other day, I dropped by Holly Lisle's place and found this entry.

Which is how I found out all the stuff about how animals are treated in the big farms, and how a lot of cows are injected with Bovine Growth Hormone in the US and how that causes an increase in Insulin-like Growth Factor 1 [IGF1] which is linked to cancer.

So I've mentioned this stuff to Steve, and he's okay with not buying meat from the store since we rarely buy it anyway [and have wild game available to eat] but he's not willing to give up dairy products, too.

So today, I'm in the throes of trying to find information about the real dangers of milk and milk products without having to use articles that use emotionally manipulative language [the PETA site is a perfect example of this kind of language, also stuff written by people who oppose abortion is another good example. In my view, simply stating the facts is enough. Don't insult my intelligence and capacity for compassion by trying to manipulate me with overly emotional descriptions. That kind of crap annoys the hell out of me.]

Steve's not likely to believe anything that uses overly emotional language so it's up to me to find articles that don't flaunt a certain bias.

Also, his perception of animals is different from mine. He doesn't think of them as beings with feelings and emotions, whereas I do.

He sees them as more ruled by instinct, and I think some [maybe earthworms and such are ruled by instinct] animals definitely interact with their surroundings and have an awareness of whether they are treated well and even loved, also that they are capable of loving others. I could be wrong on that, but that's how I feel.

As I've been writing this, I've been searching for stuff I can show him. I think he just doesn't want to believe that we can have a healthy diet without dairy, and more that it's even possible that we could become healthier without it.

In my search, I found one such article here. Woo hoo, there's one. Now to see if I can find more.

I'll keep you updated.

I’m Still Here

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But blogging erratically at best.  I'm feeling better than I was, but still out of sorts.  I decided not to finish with my Cymbalta samples since they expired a couple of months ago and I was waking up at four in the morning unable to go back to sleep.

Plus, my stomach was in a mess, and I'm still not sure if it was the med or a flu bug of some sort.  I've been fighting off cold-like symptoms for a few days, so maybe it is the flu. 

I got some Zycam quick melt tablets a while back and decided to try them last night.  Oh. My. Gosh.  How disgusting!  You're supposed to let them melt in your mouth without chewing them or swallowing them whole.  Then you can't get drink or eat for 15 minutes.

The thing is, they taste like bird shit laced with artificial cherry flavor.  No really [don't ask me how I know what bird shit tastes like, just trust me…]  So no more Zycam for me.  The other kind of Zycam available is a gel that you stick up your nose, and that's not much better, although I do use NasalCrom every year for my hay fever, but I was actually thinking of the kids when I got the tablets, but I had no idea they'd taste so bad.

I should have known, though, Zycam is a homeopathic remedy, and I tried one of those once and it tasted vaguely of bird shit, too.  So, my little experiment came to an abrupt end, and I still feel pretty crappy.

So what have I been doing with myself?  Spending time with my family.  I usually blog late at night after the kids go to bed [who can get anything done when the curtain-climbers are awake?  Not me, that's for sure.]

But that's also the time that Steve and I have to visit with eachother, so when I was blogging every day, I wasn't really spending time with my husband.  He's my best friend, and I missed him.

There was a bit of distance growing between us [that happens when you don't talk to each other much] and I realized it was mostly my fault. Steve generally follows my lead in our relationship, which just means that he doesn't insist on 'together time,' he waits for me to say we need some.

If I'm on the computer, he finds something else to do and never complains.  He's really too easygoing for his own good, and I can be pretty shameless in taking advantage of him.  He's not a doormat, but he's really sweet and patient, and I'm pretty demanding and selfish, so when I stop to think about it, I realize that I'm being a bitch and need to think about what he needs and wants for a change.

Which is what I've been doing. So instead of spending several hours blogging [and reading blogs] every night, I've been spending time with him.  Sometimes we look at stuff on the computer together, but usually we talk [or have sex, and he's not complaining one bit about that, either]. 

I'm blessed with a husband who likes to talk, and although I say more words than he does, we can carry on conversations about anything, and we both enjoy it.  So I'm spending my words and time on Steve, and that's a good thing, you know?

Am I finished with the blogosphere?  I doubt it.  But I'm probably not going to be adding an entry every day, either.  I still have my blogs that I read all the time [you can find several of them on my blogroll, although they aren't the only ones I read… maybe I'll get around to adding some more later on.]

I didn't win the short story contest I entered in March, so y'all don't get to read it, but I've realized that I need to submit some of my writing for critique, which means either finding a real life writing group here, or joining one online [which means that I'll have to return the favor and critique other people's work, which makes me nervous… I've never done it and I have no idea if I'm capable of critiquing past, "I liked it." or "It read flat for me." or whatever else horrible critters do.] 

I think my writing may fall flat or something.  I'm not much for description [that's the part I usually skip over when I'm reading, so writing it is like so much torture].  But other than that, I really don't know anything about the quality of my writing or plots or whatever else you need to pay attention to when you're writing.

A little like searching for treasure, walking blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back.  So I'm in research mode again.  I plan to read the stories that did win the contest and compare them.  The judges agreed to send me my 'score' so I'll ask them for that in the next few days if they don't send it.  I may see if I can find a crit group to read it and tell me how I can make it better, and so on.

I liked the story, so I'd like to make it good enough to be publishable, you know?  I'm not giving up, and now I've got a plan of action, so I'd say this entry was therapeutic, if not coherent.

[Doug commented on 'one topic bloggers' the other day and I laughed.  A whole blog about one topic?  Hee hee.  I can't even do a whole blog entry about one topic!]

Okay, so anyway, I'll see you in a few days, okay? 

Oh My, He Did NOT Just Say That…

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So today, I was laughing at Steve [he was looking around for a hanger to hang his uniform pants on, a hanger that I had put in the pocket of the pants he was wearing, so he was looking around for a hanger he was already holding… oh come on, you'd laugh too!] 

He thought maybe I shouldn't be laughing so hard at him, so he threw me on the bed and jumped on top of me.  My feet ended up over his shoulders [tmi, I know, but we were fully clothed, and you need to know this].

So we're laughing and I'm trying to get away from him, when we hear, "Ugh, eww!"  From Matthew.  Then we hear footsteps into the kitchen and a yelled [at the top of his lungs because he only has one volume level].  "Dad's kissing Mom's butt!"

So now we're laughing uncontrollably, almost too much to move, and Steve lets me up so we can go explain that what he thought he saw wasn't what he saw…  Well, anyway, next episode.

Matt's been obsessed with super-powers ever since we watched Sky High.  He was truly depressed when I told him that he'll never be able to go 'in-visible' [one day he asked me, "Mom, where is visible, anyway?" or move stuff without touching it.

So I'm sitting here, and the kids are playing in the kitchen, and suddenly my ears tune in to what they're saying.  Matt says, "You could have 'puke power!'  That means you can puke when you want to.  Do you wanna have that power, Shaya?"

"Yes, I already have it."  Much fake gagging ensues and they run off to watch their dad play video games. 

So now Steve is cussing the video game, the kids are distracting him by talking to him, and it's time for him to get ready for work, so I have to go interrupt the bond-fest because Steve can't tell time when the GameCube is on.