Okay, so here’s the deal. I don’t know if y’all remember me whining about jury duty a while back? I was on call for the whole month of March. Well, I got the call and had to go to the Federal court in KCMO today.
The selection took all day [as in, we got there at 0830 and didn’t get gone until 1530, um 3:30pm] I’ve got a headache from here to next week, and to top it all off, I got selected to be on the jury, and the trial may take all of next week to get through.
I probably could have gotten excused because of childcare, and probably should have since now I have to figure out what to do with them all next week. I have to be there at 9am, so I need to leave here by 7am because it’s an hour drive with no traffic, but with the way KC is, I’ll end up stuck in traffic for eons.
I wasn’t thinking clearly about what all this means on the home front. You see, when you have three kids, you hesitate to ask people to babysit without paying them [which is why we rarely ask, because three kids equals a lot of money even for a couple of hours].
My kids are usually well-behaved, but they have their moments, and with three of them, even the best kids can be a challenge to watch [trust me on this ;-)] So I’m in a pickle.
We thought maybe we could farm the kids out to grandparents, but my mom didn’t sound enthused about the idea, and Steve’s mom and sister have to work, and his sister couldn’t get permission to take Shaya with her to work, so that’s out.
We’ll probably end up taking Michaela down to mom’s anyway, but it’s a three and a half hour drive, and when I suggested that they meet us half way, I got silence. [Don’t misunderstand me here, I know mom has her own stuff going on with grandma and everything, so I’m well aware that it’s an inconvenience. I just hate feeling so damned guilty for even asking in the first place, and when she’s less than enthusiastic, it makes the guilt that much worse.]
Even if we do take Michaela to mom’s, that still leaves Shaya and Matthew. The ideal situation would be for some kind soul to volunteer to come over to our house [so we don’t have to wake them up at the crack of dawn] and watch the kids here until Steve gets off work.
When I was mulling this crap over before I actually looked at the time it’s going to take up, I thought I’d split my jury pay with the babysitter, so they’d make $20 a day. For three or four hours [with one or two kids] that’s decent pay in this region for babysitting. For three kids and eight hours [or more] it’s pitiful.
We don’t have the money to pay someone a fair wage for that kind of time, and I don’t have the heart to ask anyone else to do it for free. It’s one thing to ask grandparents since they [supposedly] live for that kind of shit, but to ask friends, none of whom have as many kids as we do, feels like I’m taking advantage.
I love my kids. I wanted them before I got pregnant, during the hellish pregnancies, and even during post-partum depression [well, for the most part. I never stopped loving them even when I couldn’t stand to be around them]. I still want my kids, and I don’t regret having them, but this brings home the fact that my life is not my own, and won’t be for a good long while.
Doug’s been talking about the Duggars and this women’s group called the Prairie Muffins. Their whole goal in life seems to be becoming housewives and baby factories. Which is fine, if that’s what make’s you happy. But here I sit, a stay at home mother of three, and I feel overwhelmed and bogged down right now. If I had more than the three I’ve got, I think I’d lose my mind.
Bill Cosby said
“My wife and I have five kids. The reason we have five kids is because we do not want six.”
Yup, I can honestly say that the reason we have three kids is because we do not want four. And that’s a change from a few years ago. I’ll tell you about that another time, though.
For now, my head hurts, I’m exhausted and stressed out, and I want to go to bed. So be well, dear friends. I’ll see you tomorrow.